hey you, find somewhere to put your rage.

the world is on fire... so now what?

Rage, for only some of us, is inherently political but this is not an essay about politics. If there’s anything to take away from these last few weeks, it’s that it’s time to prepare a place to put your rage. If you’re anything like me, you’ve been boiling since you became aware — aware of the world’s tendency to sharpen its teeth, for only some of us. Even if you’re just now discovering your rage, even if it’s budding like a new leaf on a previously dormant plant, it will be important to find a place to store it. And it must be a place that’s not your body, or anyone else’s.

I’ve grown up being told to fear rage. To never let it take over. To never be so angry that it blinds, and seeps from the skin. Rage isn’t ladylike, is what they would say. It isn’t feminine. But I beg to differ. I think dishonesty is the thing to fear. Pretending that there’s nothing to be angry about is the thing to fear. Because when you pretend, when you lie to yourself about your fire, your body is what suffers first. Your heart, your mind, your spirit — they suffer first.

There’s something gratifying about rage, how it can release things unearthed from the body. At first, it feels liberating… natural… honest. But then, soon after release, you realize that nothing is done without consequence. And moving forward, it’s important to know that the price of consequence is increasing. Only you can decide what you’re willing to pay for liberation. Finding a place to put your rage may help keep costs low.

I often find myself desiring restitution, searching for something to receive the rage I’ve inherited but when there’s nowhere to turn but toward self, what happens? Self-destruction. Self-sabotage. Self-denial. All things I’m guilty of. This is why it's important to find a place for your rage outside of your body, or anyone else’s because the cost may be the life you could’ve had.

These days, my rage hovers, patiently waiting for its moment. My strategy has been to store it in several places so that it’s not easy for it to implode within me. I’ve stored a piece of her in my pleasure — if you know, you know. Should one look, a piece may be found in my daily movement, such as the gym. The freedom of the weights being lifted or dropped, the dopamine hit after striking a punching bag — these are places my rage enjoys. I also often write. I write and write and write the unfathomable things I’d do to reach liberation…freedom. And then I burn it, and let the honesty in the ash stay between me and my God.

And then, there’s the best storage place of all, my creativity. Now, one might think, how can rage be a part of creativity? Rage is not just an incoherent, blindly moving fire. Sometimes, it’s methodical and tactical. Sometimes, all it needs is guidance and soon, what would’ve been consequences become creations. The cost then becomes a gain. An even exchange, rather than a haphazard gamble.

The point is that there are many avenues to take when it comes to placing your rage. This world is on fire, so now what? Well, we don’t have to burn with it. It’s so scary that it genuinely pisses me off. Who said we wanted to live through history being made? But instead of wasting this time trying to place your rage somewhere where it can’t and won’t fit, I hope we all get encouraged to guide our rage to be beautiful manifestations of what it means to be liberated without consequence, without cost, and only gain.

This is the time to set yourself free… in a way that won’t ruin you. What lies on the other side is something you can’t predict, but just know it’s better than never acknowledging yourself in true form, in honesty, in liberation, in rage.

xoxo,

Simi